Toxic Trends In Modern Dating: What To Watch Out For

In today’s digital age, navigating the world of dating has become increasingly complex with the rise of new, often toxic, trends. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, these behaviors can have significant impacts on mental health, leaving individuals feeling confused and emotionally drained.

Understanding these viral dating terms is crucial for recognizing and avoiding harmful patterns.

In this post, we delve into the most pervasive toxic dating trends, offering insights and guidance on how to protect your well-being in the treacherous landscape of modern romance.

Relation-Shopping

Endless Browsing on Dating Apps

Relation-shopping refers to the habit of endlessly swiping through dating profiles as if you’re browsing a catalog. The constant belief that there might be someone better out there keeps you perpetually searching.

Match Overload and Stagnant Conversations

If you find yourself constantly swiping and accumulating a collection of matches on dating apps, but most conversations never get past the initial greetings, you could be relation-shopping.

High Standards and Low Satisfaction

This approach to dating involves adhering to a long list of strict criteria that often aren’t essential. Relation-shoppers struggle to feel content with their current partners and, like “dating maximizers,” are always on the lookout for someone who might be a better fit.

Lack of Fulfillment

By setting such high expectations, you’re bound to feel unsatisfied in your dating life. Without a clear idea of what you truly want, it’s challenging to know when to stop searching.

How to Avoid Relation-Shoppers

To steer clear of relation-shoppers, look for people who show genuine interest and invest time in getting to know you. Prioritize those who seem focused on building a connection rather than endlessly seeking perfection.

Additionally, be wary of matches who keep conversations surface-level or avoid meeting in person, as these can be signs of someone who is still browsing rather than committing.

Breadcrumbing

Minimal Effort, Maximum Confusion

Breadcrumbing is like leaving a trail of crumbs that lead nowhere. It keeps someone interested with small gestures, but there’s no real destination in sight.

A Manipulative Game

This tactic is a form of manipulation, whether deliberate or not. It involves someone pretending to be genuinely interested in a relationship, but without any sincere intentions.

Motivations Behind the Act

Breadcrumbers often have their own agenda. They might crave attention or a constant stream of validation. Maybe they enjoy the initial excitement of a budding connection without the responsibility of a real relationship.

They might even be insecure and keep multiple people interested for a sense of control. One thing’s for sure, they become more active when you seem to be pulling away, tossing out just enough “crumbs” to rekindle your interest and keep you hooked.

How to Spot and Avoid Breadcrumbers

To avoid falling victim to breadcrumbing, look for consistent effort and genuine interest. Be cautious of people who only offer sporadic attention or fail to make concrete plans. Pay attention to actions rather than just words, and don’t be afraid to walk away if someone isn’t meeting your needs for consistency and commitment.

Also Read | Are You Being Breadcrumbed? Red Flags And How To Move On

Ghosting

Disappearing Without a Trace

Ghosting occurs when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without any explanation. This leaves the other person confused and wondering why they vanished.

Abrupt and Unexplained Silence

Ghosting is the act of abruptly vanishing from a relationship, leaving the other person confused and hurt. It’s like being in a conversation that suddenly cuts off, with no explanation or closure. This can happen in romantic connections, friendships, and even professional settings.

Emotional Reactions and Modern Context

People’s reactions to being ghosted vary widely, from indifference to feelings of deep betrayal. Some see ghosting as a byproduct of modern digital communication, a way to handle the overwhelming choices in dating. Others find it emotionally distressing, as it provides no closure.

How to Deal with Ghosting

To cope with ghosting, it’s important to focus on self-care and move forward without seeking closure from the person who disappeared. Surround yourself with supportive friends and activities that boost your confidence and happiness. Remember, ghosting says more about the ghoster than the ghosted.

Orbiting

Lingering in the Digital Shadows

Orbiting describes someone who lingers in your online world after a connection fizzles or a relationship ends. They’ll like your posts, watch your stories, and generally keep tabs on you, yet never initiate real conversation or pursue anything further.

This constant, but meaningless, presence can be confusing and frustrating. Their intentions remain a mystery – are they hoping to rekindle things or simply keeping you on the back burner?

Overanalyzing the Signals

Many people fall into the trap of overthinking this orbiting behavior, searching for hidden meanings about the other person’s feelings. However, this often results in wasted time and energy.

Indirect Engagement Post-Breakup

Orbiting is a phenomenon where someone you’ve dated disappears from direct communication, yet remains a ghost in your online world. They might “like” your Instagram posts, favorite your tweets, or even be the first viewer of your stories.

This creates a confusing situation – they seem interested enough to keep tabs on you, but not enough to actually talk. It’s like being haunted by their online presence, unsure of their true intentions.

The Modern Dilemma

In our hyper-connected world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “orbiting” an ex or someone you briefly dated. This means lurking on their social media – liking posts, watching stories – but never actually reaching out.

While tempting, orbiting sends mixed signals. They might feel flattered you’re interested, but also confused by the lack of real communication. This can be unsettling, leaving them unsure of your intentions and potentially hindering their ability to move on.

Coping with Orbiting

To manage the emotional impact of orbiting, focus on setting healthy boundaries and limiting your own online interactions with the person. Remember, your peace of mind is more important than deciphering ambiguous online behavior.

Phubbing

Ignoring People for Your Phone

Phubbing, a blend of “phone” and “snubbing,” refers to the rude habit of ignoring people in favor of your phone. Often done instinctively and without malice, phubbing involves using social media, texting, or emailing instead of paying attention to those around you. This behavior can be particularly hurtful during personal interactions, like dates.

Impact on Relationships

Though it might seem like a minor annoyance, research indicates that phubbing can harm relationships. The term was coined in May 2012 by an Australian advertising agency to describe the growing trend of people ignoring those around them in favor of their phones. This led to the launch of the Stop Phubbing campaign.

Worsening with Technology

Phubbing disrupts your ability to be present and engage with others. With more than three-quarters of Americans owning smartphones, the issue of phubbing is likely becoming more prevalent.

Also Read | Orbiting: When Social Media Likes Leave You Hanging After A Breakup

Simping

Showing Excessive Affection

“Simp” originally meant “simpleton” and was used to mock men who excessively pander to women in hopes of romantic or sexual gain. Today, the term broadly describes anyone who shows excessive affection or devotion to another person.

Negative Perceptions and Consequences

Simping is often viewed negatively, as it can suggest a lack of self-respect or an unhealthy fixation. Some people may not realize they are simping, but it can harm their self-esteem and relationships.

Debate on Kindness and Masculinity

There’s a growing movement to challenge the idea that kindness towards women somehow diminishes a man’s masculinity. Terms like “simp-shaming” discourage men from showing empathy and support, which hinders progress towards more positive gender roles.

Instead, let’s focus on redefining masculinity. It’s not about stoicism or a lack of emotion. True strength lies in being a good listener, offering a helping hand, and fostering healthy relationships. When men embrace these qualities, it inspires a more respectful and supportive society for everyone.

Also Read | Do You Love A Narcissist? Here’s How To Spot The Red Flags

The Ick

Sudden and Overwhelming Disgust

The ick is that abrupt and intense feeling of revulsion toward someone you once found appealing. Picture being utterly smitten on a date, only for your attraction to vanish the moment your date whips out a Velcro wallet. That’s the ick.

Possible Deeper Issues

The ick can sometimes signal deeper emotional issues in the person experiencing it. For instance, individuals with an avoidant attachment style might use the ick as a convenient excuse to keep their distance and avoid forming a deeper connection.

A Gut Reaction

The ick” isn’t just doubts – it’s a sudden, intense dislike for a partner’s behavior or quirks. It pops up early on, like a relationship buzzkill during the honeymoon phase.

Paperclipping

Intermittent Contact Without Genuine Interest

Ever get a random text from an ex or someone you barely know? That’s paperclipping! They’re not really interested, just keeping you on the back burner. Like the annoying Microsoft Clippy, they pop up briefly then disappear. Don’t get sucked in – it’s a narcissistic tactic!

Also Read | Breaking The Cycle: Understanding And Responding To Narcissistic Hoovering Tactics

The Problematic Nature

This behavior is problematic because it reduces people to mere options rather than recognizing their individuality. It perpetuates a mindset where people are seen as disposable and not worthy of meaningful connection.

Keeping the Door Open

Paperclipping isn’t about rekindling a connection. It’s someone subtly reminding you they exist, hoping you’ll be there if their plans fall through. They see you as a backup, not a priority. Don’t be their safety net!

Who Might Engage in Paperclipping?

Anyone could engage in paperclipping. It could be someone you went on a few dates with but who didn’t pursue a deeper connection, or an ex trying to maintain some form of emotional control.

It might even be a prospective employer who doesn’t have immediate opportunities but wants to keep you on their radar just in case.

Zombieing

Returning from the Dead

Zombieing is when someone who previously ghosted you suddenly reappears as if nothing happened. Like a zombie rising from the grave, they come back into your life without acknowledging their earlier disappearance.

The Double Blow

Ghosting is already hurtful and shows a lack of communication skills, but zombieing compounds the pain. It’s aggravating when someone pretends that their previous silence—whether weeks or months—never occurred.

The Motivation Behind Zombieing

Getting a random message from a long-lost ex? That’s a zombie! They’re not after a real connection, just a cheap thrill. It’s all about boosting their ego by seeing if you’re still into them. Don’t fall for it – it’s just attention-seeking!

Pocketing

Keeping Your Partner Hidden

Pocketing refers to the practice of deliberately keeping your partner away from your friends, family, or social media. While it might sometimes be unintentional, it often arises from a sense of embarrassment or shame about the relationship.

Signs You’re Being Pocketed

Common signs of pocketing include being frequently left out of group events or never appearing in your partner’s otherwise active social media posts. If your partner is reluctant to introduce you to their social circle or share your relationship online, it may indicate that they feel ashamed or concerned about what others might think of you.

Negging

Subtle Emotional Manipulation

Negging isn’t just a clumsy comment. It’s a manipulative tactic disguised as a compliment, often aimed at women. They might say something that seems nice but leaves you feeling a bit off.

Unlike a one-time slip, negging is a pattern. It chips away at your confidence over time, making you crave their approval. Keep your eyes peeled for these subtle digs and remember, your worth doesn’t depend on someone else’s negativity.

Escalating Tactics

Negging is not a one-time mistake but a persistent behavior that can gradually erode your self-esteem. The subtlety and gradual increase in negativity can make you less aware of its impact.

Misconceptions and Manipulation

Negging might seem harmless because there’s no physical violence. But the emotional toll is real. Here’s the twist: they might even do nice things too! This creates confusion – are you being too sensitive? That’s exactly what they want. Negging is a mind game, chipping away at your confidence until you crave their approval. Don’t be fooled by the mixed messages. Your feelings matter!

Kittenfishing

Deceptive Online Profiles

Kittenfishing is a term used to describe the act of presenting a misleading version of oneself on dating apps. Unlike catfishing, which involves completely fabricating an identity, kittenfishers make smaller adjustments to their profiles. This might include using outdated photos where they looked more attractive or slightly altering their age.

Why Do People Kittenfish?

In the competitive world of online dating, it’s tempting to present an idealized version of yourself rather than the real you. Kittenfishers often believe that they can win someone over in person with their true personality, charm, and wit. Their goal is to enhance their chances of landing a first date by creating a more appealing, albeit inaccurate, online image.

Caspering

The Polite Ghosting

Caspering, a term derived from Casper the Friendly Ghost, is a more courteous variant of ghosting. Instead of vanishing abruptly, caspering involves gradually reducing communication with a romantic interest to lessen the emotional impact.

A Gradual Fade-Out

While ghosting means cutting off all contact suddenly, caspering involves a slow tapering of communication. Both approaches share a lack of transparency, but caspering can be even more frustrating. It extends the period of uncertainty, making the end of the interaction feel drawn-out and deceptive.

Signs of Caspering

Caspering feels friendly, but watch out for the slow burn. Replies get shorter, plans fizzle, and you’re left wondering what happened. It’s a confusing way to be shut out, leaving you with a lingering sense of unease. Don’t get ghosted by a ghost – you deserve clear communication!

Benching

Keeping Someone on the Sidelines

Benching is a manipulative dating tactic where someone keeps you as a backup option while they explore other potential partners. Like sports players who wait on the bench for their turn, benching involves maintaining a relationship in reserve, rather than fully committing.

Prevalence in the Digital Age

Though dating around and juggling multiple options is nothing new, online dating apps like Tinder have amplified the practice. The ease of meeting new people through these platforms often leads to benching, as individuals may feel there’s always a potentially better match out there.

The Impact on Relationships

Benchers keep their partners in a holding pattern, not fully investing in the relationship while they continue to search for someone they perceive as a better option. This behavior reflects a reluctance to commit and a desire to keep all possibilities open.

Love Bombing

Overwhelming Affection and Attention

Love bombing is a tactic where someone showers you with excessive affection and attention at the beginning of a relationship. This behavior is designed to create a strong emotional bond and make you reliant on them.

Also Read | Love Bombing Vs. Infatuation: Understanding The Differences

Manipulative and Deceptive

While it might seem like genuine affection, love bombing is actually a manipulative strategy resembling emotional and psychological abuse. It often involves lavish compliments, grand gestures, and rushed intimacy that can initially feel very validating.